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Friday, August 13
quest - the play (well, bits of it, at any rate) oh great, the rangers are stopping again. bet they think we're some cult, what with the candles and the...tails. [really bad dance music, part of the act that the "fox spirits" are supposed to perform, starts up] [beat] PET: wait, they're driving off TIM: yeah, there's no cult in the world that's that uncool -- ARTHUR: so, the way our station goes is, first you get scared by erin, then nick dumps water on you, followed by linus with the dummy [ed: must...resist...urge...to make...cheap joke], and then i jump out. so this freshie walks in, obviously afraid, and when erin jumps him [ed: must...resist...urge!], he leaps like a foot in the air and goes, "cheeeebye!" and with each successive scare, he just gets more and more scared and goes "cheeeebye!" every time. i swear, his voice has even got this little quiver to it, like, [voice warbles] "cheeeeeebye!" so finally, after cursing at the dummy, the guy picks up a stick and starts poking at the ground in front of him [crouches low and mimes sweeping around] and there i was, hiding behind the bushes, when i realise that nick the genius left a big gulp right in front of me. the freshie of course spots the big gulp, prods it with his stick, and nervously picks it up, thinking it's the clue. and after he puts the cup back right at my feet, i rush out at him and the guy screams out in the most quivery, terrified voice yet, "CHEEEEEBYE!" -- [while relighting a path for the freshies, ARTHUR accidentally drops some cylume straws into his hiding place] ARTHUR: [rapid and stilted] it is the bad colour! it attracts the things we do not speak of! we must bury it! [proceeds, quite seriously, to bury the cylume straws] -- PET: well, the rangers have raided our stations, the freshies are laughing at our new ones, we're way off schedule... what else could go wro - i just jinxed us irrevocably, didn't i? MEL: JOHN's gone to the hospital! PET: what? why? MEL: he jabbed himself with a cylume syringe! -- [PET and ARTHUR are badly hidden in the foliage. PET - who is inappropriately dressed in a white t-shirt, chowing down a hugeass bag of sour cream and onion lays, and sitting on ARTHUR's makeshift stool - is there only at ARTHUR's insistence that she help keep him awake.] PET: why are you doing this to me? they'll see me, i'm glowing. ARTHUR: look, do you want to hear the story or not? PET: alright, fi - wait, shh, here they come [two girls, gripping each other to death, come in very slowly] [PET and ARTHUR grin silently, though PET never stops eating her chips] ARTHUR: bet they're screamers PET: you're sick, you know that? [beat] oh. ohh. i get what you mean. yeah, ok, you're on. GIRL NO. 1: hello? please don't scare us! err...we're just looking for the clue PET: on second thought, no. ARTHUR: oh, come o - PET: shh! [PET munches contentedly on her chips] [ERIN rushes the girls, who cry out and jump back, but fail to scream] ARTHUR: odds just went up! [the girls progress slowly, and soon spot PET and ARTHUR in ARTHUR's lousy new hiding place] GIRL NO. 2: err... do you have the clue? we're looking for the clue [PET freezes, chip halfway to her mouth. she wasn't even supposed to be part of the act, let alone spotted, and hasn't the slightest idea what to do. ARTHUR, crouched head down beside her, is at a loss for words too] GIRL NO. 1: [hisses] she's eating chips. lays chips. GIRL NO. 2: is that the clue? GIRL NO. 1 & GIRL NO. 2: [reverently, and in unison] ohhh. laaaaaaays. [both girls, despite being the product of millions of years of evolution working to hone the survival instinct, move their faces very close in to the bag of chips, and consequently are staring at PET's seated midriff] [long, long beat] [ARTHUR rushes out at them, roaring incoherently] [the girls scream their heads off and scamper, with soft cries of "ohmygodohmygodohmygod"] [ARTHUR and PET wait for a moment, then go into mild hysterics] ARTHUR & PET: [reverently, and in unison] ohhh. laaaaaaays. ARTHUR: i win! GIRL NO. 1: [offstage] i heard that! GIRL NO. 2: [offstage] what? GIRL NO. 1: [offstage] someone said, "i win!" [ARTHUR and PET collapse into fits of laughter again] -- fin.
Post a Comment Comments. weiming •
13 August 2004 at 03:21
omigosh i havent laughed so hard in ages. please don't go on blog-leave again, i missed this blog too much. b •
13 August 2004 at 11:08
fuck pet this was so bloody hilarious. Jac •
13 August 2004 at 17:05
I actually laughed out loud at that last one~ bedlamgirl •
13 August 2004 at 20:03
thank you, folks, we'll be here all week!  •
13 August 2004 at 23:59
hi, surfed onto your blog randomly. you're very funny! Mel •
14 August 2004 at 01:11
you made my day pet. •
15 August 2004 at 15:10
I love your new layout! So pretty. bedlamgirl •
15 August 2004 at 22:33
:) thanks mel and ak bikwei •
19 August 2004 at 23:56
heh, all that quest shit was darn funny. hahaha thanks for all the hard work btw! Mel •
2 September 2004 at 16:41
Pet, when are you going to write soon. bedlamgirl •
9 September 2004 at 11:30
sorry lah :P
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to everyone else who was there that night yet not up here: i couldn't fit the long shots of all of us into a square, so i went with a flattering picture of me. and don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same. oh rae, if you're reading this, ignore the above - it's because i like you best. really. |
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my christmas gift from the wonderful Snookums. and in keeping with my disturbing tendency to want to have relations with inanimate objects, i think i want to marry this one and bear its little pink children. | |
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harangue at gmail dot com | |
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