Monday, March 29
9:50 pm
let's just say that if i still had a mood counter, there'd be a tiny volcano spewing forth lava and swear words in place of this
i am in the world's worst mood. and i don't even want to talk about it, that's how bad it is. but everyone's gotta have an outlet - some have art, some have music... i have good, old-fashioned bitchery.
so you know what really yanks my chain? idiots. (but you already knew that, didn't you?) today's spotlight is on a special strain of idiot, the spellifus terribliis. though loosely linked by a common trait, bad spelling, their characteristics may further divide them into more specific categories. in the interest of time, however, we'll focus now on idiots that can't spell swear words.
first off, i have to clarify, i'm not referring to the type of idiot that hails from, say, china, and can't yet grasp the difference between "fuck" and "intercourse". the idiots i'm referring to are, sadly enough, worse. they want to be part of (what qualifies in their pathetic heads as) the in crowd, and try hard to emulate the whole hip swearing thing and fail fail fail. because, dear reader, these idiots are also concerned about their immortal souls and, while wanting to be all badass now, fear that they'll end up going to the same hell that the cool people are indubitably headed towards. so what they do, and pay attention - you'll be tested on this bit, is to mix up or blank out some letters in the swear word! isn't that just brilliant?
so "fucking" becomes "fcuking", and "shit" becomes "sh*t". forgive my colloquialism here, but if you're too much of a fucking pussy to use the words and use them damn hell properly, then don't bloody use them to begin with, alright? is it very much better to spell it "farking" instead? is it? leaving aside the people farking that way for certain effect, the ones that are left just need a thorough bitch slappin' from My Man B.
i mean, do you honestly think that by spelling that way, it's any less offensive or damning? is your mother any prouder of her precious because she Just Said No to that swearing thing that all the ruffians indulge in? will you, with strategically placed "*"s and "!"s, bypass hell and go, dilbert-style, to heck instead? ooh, ooh, do you wanna know what i think? GET A LIFE ALREADY.
oh, screw it. i've used up my daily ration of raging bitterness. on to the good bits! namely,
happy birthday, jac!
you're no longer eligible for our "teenage angst" plan, but we hope you've enjoyed our pms service so far. soon, you'll be eligible for our "i'm pregnant, dammit!" scheme, followed by our golden years loyalty reward, the ever-reliable "hot flash" facility!
have a great one, sweetie.
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Sunday, March 28
6:49 pm
walkin' and a-wheelin'
you'd think a midnight romp in sentosa would be fun, wouldn't you? well, you'd be wrong. because sometimes, midnight romps in sentosa can be downright boring, filled with aimless walking and invisible bugs, loud nervous laughter and little hokkien speaking school children (said senior citizen lee) mistaking you for ghosts.
you'd think a downright boring midnight romp in sentosa would have a point at least, wouldn't you? well, you're 0 for 2 so far. because sometimes, downright boring midnight romps in sentosa can be absofuckinlutely pointless, filled with aimless walking and invisible bugs, loud nervous laughter and hey, it's those damn kids again!
the point (because one of us has to have one) is, there's no point wandering around ranger-spotting at midnight now because 1) we haven't even settled on/tried recalling the locations of our stations yet, 2) it's spring, a time when flowers bloom, young love blossoms, and no one is bloody having camp, and 3) the rangers are mobile too, ya dinks.
in the spirit of making things easier to understand here, what we essentially ended up doing was 1) blunder around arguing over which nameless building was "the mansion, the mansion... remember the mansion?" 2) realising that sentosa is not likely to be teeming with rangers aplenty in their dead month, and 3) probably completely missing any rangers that were on duty because, y'know, we're one tiny moving group!
i suppose i'm especially bitter because i was so tired the next day that i fell whilst riding and sustained a huge, throbbing bruise (not the way i like my huge and throbbings). on a more positive note though, i've been vindicated. during my last two riding lessons, two poor saps were unfortunate enough to pick the same bike i took my test on (yes, i recognise the accursed thing), and the exact same problem that caused me to fail plagued them both persistently too. so a great big phlbbbbt to all you Doubting Tutors... i mean, Thomases out there.
i've just started on my driving as well, and if there's anything more hateable than learner drivers while riding on a bike, it's learner drivers when driving in a car. why do these people persist in getting in my way? i mean, is it so hard to drive in a straight line? or not slam on your brakes everytime you approach a bend in the road or a junction where you have the right of way? or, i don't know, to pull your heads out of your collective asses and realise you're stradding two lanes? and driving so slow that old women on walkers are zipping by and cackling? in the immortal words of Widdle Wynette, i hate people.
in other immortal words from the aforementioned source, "don't have a life? simulate one!" hot damn i can't wait for the sims 2 to be released. check it out ("can an adult sim date a teen sim?"): i'll finally be able to satisfy my Hot Geriatric Male fantasies.
oh and i just know this'll be of interest to some of you - i bumped into Miss Priss the other day at the driving centre, with her panties all in a twist as always. all the better to hold that stick up her ass in, i guess.
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Friday, March 26
11:09 am
spent like a crumpled dollar bill at a skanky strip club
so i hear from The Boy Next Door that crim lecture was cancelled. bet that whole work ethic thing's looking pretty dumb now huh? it's probably good that i was too tired go though. the rage that would've befallen the faculty if i had would have been epic.
the past two days have seen old canoeing mates, netball pals and ex-coaches. the past two days have also seen thoroughly amusing displays of utter unself-consciousness, in the form of an entire fully grown class of business students singing and dancing along to some children's song about a tree. and showing every sign of enjoying themselves. in the same way certain videos are going to be popping up in the lives of the future Justice Still Waters or Justice Man Next Door, i'll bet they're not gonna be living that one down anytime soon.
i'd love to stay and bore some more, but my brother's left the chocolate chip cookie dough unguarded and my inner 6 year old can only take so much.
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Wednesday, March 24
2:53 am
does that come with fries?
well, class with the McHottie was just a big yawn with words. in treading the line between paying attention to his monologue (whilst paying equal attention to his fine, fine self) and playing pacman to keep the mind from snoredioactive meltdown (the lesser known of the meltdowns), i realised my steps took me quite comfortably to the dot-munching latter. but for all those who doubt that my love for him remains true, scoff not, for as long as this heart beats, my love for hotties will persevere.
besides, if you steer him in the right direction ("those darn engineers!", "speaking of bigamy sir, will you marry me?"), i bet he's a great conversationalist.
slacking through crim pays unexpected dividends though, i did better than expected for the assignment - by two grades, no less (which, considering what i got, says a lot more about my expectations than it does the grade). lunch afterwards saw 6 of us seated quite comfortably in Still Waters' merc, heading, at L's and HM's insistence, to some food court in moe that was featured in makansutra. let me just say here that it is near impossible to state, with a straight face, to a security guard that your only business at the official headquarters of our education ministry is "to, uh, eatatthefoodcourt."
by the by, dear biopolis planners, the underground carpark? serves to affirm every sad stereotype about dorky scientists / engineers / whateverthey'reallthesametome that has ever passed through the mocking minds of us literary types. "matrix"? "genome"? the laugh-laugh-snort sounds must've been deafening in the lab. tsk. you guys are nowhere near as cool as us law students. nowhere at all. (and here you'll just have to suspend your disbelief and pretend i linked to a post about survivor: law school and our memorably named tribes. you'd think someone would've blogged about them.)
oh, and in case you were wondering (and i know you were), the food wasn't all too bad. which, balanced against the legendary petrina embargo on all places smelly and gross, is praise indeed. bear in mind though, i only had cheese prata and some violently orange chicken. which, balanced against the equally legendary petrina love for all things dairy and poultry, is pretty much limiting the value of what i'm saying to "there was prata. and chicken. it was orange."
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Tuesday, March 23
12:08 am
the politics of netball, or, skiving during the third match
so i umpired zones today at knc. amidst the huge yawns i took the time to appreciate the little things, and noticed how truly freaky the Umpires of the East are (and if any of you lovely people are reading this, especially C, who pays me and finds me incredible jobs - kidding!). no, seriously. there is some odd shit going on with those people. another reason why i rarely venture out of my comfort zone (dum-dum-chesh! [rimshot]).
the umpires reflect the school standings pretty accurately too, i think. like how all the bigwigs are in the south and west zone, and how no one, no one seems to come from the north (who lives there anyway? cows!). and then, emerging like the distant rural aunt that appears every reunion dinner, smells funny and speaks too loudly over the dinner table, we have the eastern teams/umpires. would that i could say even that people dislike teams like tk or hsh, but, truth be told, people don't anything them. they're certainly...there, but in the years that their teams even manage to find a spot in the top four, their only supporters (outside of their own students of course) are the schools that loathe the opposition - that is to say, the only people that are cheering for them aren't doing so for the love of the team, but because they think that the opposition needs to be taken down a peg or two.
and don't even get me started on the players themselves - though in describing them i'd probably give a fairly accurate description of the umpires i met today as well (again, dear C, just kidding! you and the teams you coach are the best!). but, non-freak factor aside, being stuck in the west/south has its share of suckdom. for one, way too much competition for the plum jobs like umpiring or coordinating zones in nus. plus, the entire sprawling empire that is sneakers (including The Big Kahuna himself) appears to be based here, giving rise to quite the number of minor annoyances.
on an entirely unrelated note, a bloody unleashed rat dog came a-sniffin' at my ankles today. while barely restraining the urge to punt it straight into next tuesday, i did an impromptu buffalo two-step and mentally sicced V's Greatfuckindane on it.
"oeeuhh! she likes you!" simpers the owner and i twitter back at her "the way i like her? with sauce?" and i felt pretty good for the rest of the day even though what i said sailed right over the empty little head that okayed the purchase of a hairless mutant rat.
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Sunday, March 21
11:58 pm
phew.
having found myself with an unfamiliarly large amount of free time on my hands, i decided to jump on the bandwagon and prettify a new spot on the web. the move was also partly to stop Shawn's Student from harping on about how difficult my other address is to remember (will you link to it on your site maybe then you won't have to remember), how infrequently i update, and how obscurely i write.
you'd think she'd just stop going and reading it already.
i've spent a good part of the day in various positions on my bed, in front of my laptop (and yay to the laptop for contributing even more, as impossible as it seems, to the inordinate degree of sloth and myopia i possess) and still the layout isn't finished. still don't know how i'm gonna create the graphic i have in mind for the page title and why, some two hours of div layering later, i still can't get my layers to stop overlapping. plus this idiot's taken the "frolicanddetour" address and done frikkin' nothing with it (go go there and send John Lennon Offences to him, the blog-hogging s.o.b.) so i'll have to settle for a dorky page title instead.
speaking of which, just when you think that you simply can't get any sadder than looking at catherine zeta jones gettin' her hot on in a tight red dress and thinking only of douglas v hello, well, you surprise yourself by searching your head for a great new page title and rockin' comment tags and coming up only with ideas that no one but law students will find funny (the intellectual equivalent of "a face only a mother could love"). and when you've crossed that line, you know you're on a four year course to hell.
(i am, by the way, open to suggestions as to how to improve the awful comment tags i've got going. just too bad eleanor wong's practically got a copyright on "invitation to treat".)
so i hear that it's spring in some parts of the world. here in jurong we welcomed (welcame!) spring with a good long downpour. i think it's a myth that weather manifests in forms other than "rainy" and "sunny". typhoons? a story farmers tell tiny farmkids to make 'em behave. a meteorological boogieman, if you will. and snow, as the netballers should know, is simply angel dandruff.
i think this is a good moment to state, for the record, that i have no idea what i'm talking about. i just thought i'd take a break from squinting at scads of poorly written html (i learnt by trial and error, alright?) by - and i realise this may not have been the best of moves - staring at my itty bitty screen some more.
anyhow, as far as last first-words go, this is pretty much the best i can summon up: the pacman's mostly for me, i so can get through those interminable legal theory lectures (and i can already hear Ms Chewy Bits going "well why don't you just not go?" to which i say again that by not going i open myself up to a world of guilt from my Mostly Inert Conscience and no one needs that. besides, i may miss a rare M.Hot sighting). but you're welcome to play too.
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